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天花板會有坍塌的一天, 2021 On the Day When the Ceiling Collapses, 2021

林耕舞 Kengwu Yerlikaya

作品名稱 Title| 天花板會有坍塌的一天, 2021 On the Day When the Ceiling Collapses, 2021 尺寸 Dimension| digital, 16:9 媒材 Medium| 複合媒材 mixed media 作品介紹 Description| 幾個禮拜前的晚上,我在房間裡聽見客廳傳來一聲物品墜落的巨響。於是我衝了出去查看,發現天花板坍塌了一大塊,直徑20cm厚度約5cm的水泥塊面,就這麼的掉落,留下外露的鏽蝕鋼筋。 幾天後,我們請了建商來幫我們評估情況。 才意外的發現這個我們住了三十年的「家」,竟然是俗稱的「海砂屋」,準確一點來說,是今年定義上的海砂屋,卻不是當年的海砂屋。 隨著時代的演進,國家及法令對於建設材料的要求標準有所增進或不同。當年核准的建材放到今天來看,竟成為不合時宜。 我感到莞爾。 首先我從來沒有想過,支撐起一個家的天花板會有坍塌的一天。 就像還來不及正視自己的父母正在年邁,在無形中漸漫的才驚呼他們沒有辦法總是撐起一個家。 其次是,三十年前的恰當,卻是如今的違法。 我想起當年鞭在我身上的皮帶、國小教室中的愛的小手。當家暴防治法尚未確立、校園體罰還只是常規的時候。還來不及有人向當時年幼的我們解釋為什麼老師開始上課時感到彆扭,也不再打我們了。 或是我們的父母,教養我們的過程中,他們不得不與時俱進,感覺追著時代跑,卻跟不上的無奈與為難。 我讀過一篇文章寫道: 「亞洲的父母一輩子在等一句道謝,子女卻一輩子在等一句道歉。」 我想我是提早認清了,恐怕我們誰也等不到。 但重點也或許不是真的要去強迫立體彼此對於親情的想像,而是去認知,哪怕永遠達不到平衡,但我們「已經」彼此盡力過了,也許才是最重要的。 天花板的洞,顯現的那天之後,我開始不得不去一一看見,這個家之中所有斑駁需要被修補的部分,那些一直以來讓我感到不舒適的刺眼細節,乘載著往事,更多的是傷痛的提醒。 我踏上了這個旅程要去修補它。 儘管知道,再心裡清楚,再怎麼欲蓋彌彰,其實也無濟於事,過去的事不會有辦法就這樣被修復完畢。 可我對藝術品還是有一份信念與執著,如果有人能透過視覺,對這些故事有所共感,那是我的榮幸。可如果沒有。那也就當作是我在和自己和解的過程,也罷。 About a few weeks ago, late in the evening, I heard a loud sound coming from the living room of falling objects. I rushed out to check and found that a large piece of cement block with a diameter of 20cm and a thickness of about 5cm had collapsed from the ceiling, it just fell off, leaving corroded steel bars fully exposed. A few days later, a building company came to evaluate the situation. It was an unexpected discovery, that this "home" where we had lived for 30 years turned out to be the "sea sand house" (built with cheap, unreliable concrete). To be precise, it’s the sea sand house defined by today’s standard, but not 30 years ago. As the times evolve, the requirements and standards for construction materials in the country and laws have increased or differed. The building materials approved back then have turned out to be out of date today. I felt amused. First of all, I never thought that the ceiling supporting the house would collapse one day. Just like we haven't had the time to face up to our parents’ ageing, but gradually shocked by the fact that they can't always hold up a family. Secondly, what was deemed “appropriate” thirty years ago is now illegal. I think of the belt whip on me back then, the little hand of love (use for corporal punishment) in the elementary school classroom. While the domestic violence prevention law has not yet been established and corporal punishment in school is still a routine and a norm. Not in time for someone to explain to us who were young at the time, why the teacher started to feel awkward in class and stopped beating us up. Or even our parents, in the process of educating us, having to keep up with the new societal values, but feeling helpless and embarrassed by chasing the times but not being able to keep up. I once read an article that stated: “Parents in Asia have been waiting for a ‘gratitude’ from their children all their lives, but their children have been waiting for an ‘apology’. ” I think I already realized that none of our waiting will ever arrive. But perhaps the point is not to forcefully concretize each other’s expectation in family affection. However, recognize that even if the balance will never be reached, we "have" tried our best with each other, perhaps is the most important thing. Starting from the day the ceiling’s hole appeared, I began to be unable to unsee all the mottled parts of this home, that which is in need to be repaired, the dazzling details that have always made me uncomfortable, carrying the past also the reminder of pain. I embarked on this journey to fix it. Although knowing that deep down, no matter how much I was to mend it, it will be of no avail. There will be no way for the past to be repaired just so. Anyhow, I still have a belief and obsession with artworks. It would be an honour for me if the audience would empathize with these stories visually. But if not so, this is just a process of reconciliation with myself, no matter what.